I like Goooooold!

I was talking to Gold Member from Austin Power’s the other day, and he asked if I could post this.  I love goooooooold!

From: Number Sleuth

What Makes Children Hate Going To The Dentist?

There’s something about the dentist that stokes the most primal fear in children. Thosevisits seldom go smoothly and it can seem like the journey from home to the dentistoffice is a constant battle that test the very limits of your parenting ability.

For kids, a visit to the dentist represents a laundry list of things to fear: sharp objects,loud noises, people with masks prying around inside their little mouths. Here’s abreakdown of those scary things that make your kid hate the dentist.

1. Needles

That needle a dentist uses to inject Novocain may be the scariest in the entire medicalprofession. Not only does it feature that massive thumbhole for the doctor, but the needleitself is likely as large as any your kid will see in his or her lifetime, and, it’s about to bein their mouth! If that needle looks big to you, it probably looks like Excalibur in the eyesof your child. But this can be avoided. Search around for a dentist that uses electronicdevices to for anesthetic delivery. This recent development is gaining steam in the dentalcommunity and has become increasingly popular with children.

2. The Drill

As sure as the cart follows the horse; the drill follows the needle. Although it’s somesmall relief that the Novocain numbed your child up before the drilling and filling, thesound, vibration, sucking and spraying is enough to introduce your child to a new level ofhorror. But fear not, many pediatric dental offices have ways to make this experience lessscary for kids. It’s important that you not only choose a good dentist, but one who alsohas a good staff in terms of dental assisting.

3. The Apprehension

To a kid, the hours before the dentist visit can feel like walking the Green Mile.Anticipating a trip to the dentist is enough to put anyone one edge, but children tend todeal with anxiety a bit differently, such as fighting you with every ounce of their being.It’s the apprehension that leads to a total breakdown in the parent-child power structureand you’ll have to bring you’re A-game when the protest really starts to get ugly.

4. The Other Kids

If you’re at a pediatric dental office, what’s the first thing your kid will notice? The otherkids, and odds are they look every bit as freaked out as your child. All you can do ishope some other swollen-faced, utterly bummed out kid doesn’t come walking out of anappointment, because you’re in for it if your child catches a glimpse of his or her future.But again, if your dentist is good and the staff was trained by any number of certifieddental assisting schools, they will help set your child’s mind at ease.

5. It Hurts

There’s no avoiding this one: going to the dentist hurts. The initial shot from that needleis anything but numb. What’s worse, your child may come out of the Novocain numbnessto learn he or she had been inadvertently biting their cheek and tongue. It’s a painfulrevelation. But if you have some ice chips on hand, that should help ease the after dentistpain. Consider investing in some children’s aspirin as well.

6. The Smell and the Sounds

The drill always smells like something burning and when it’s running that sound isenough to drive a kid up the wall. There’s also a distinct noise made every time thedentist prods around with that hook and mirror. The entire dental office usually smellslike sterilizing agents and antiseptic. It doesn’t have to be this way. A good pediatricdentist will provide a soothing atmosphere with air purifiers and even some kid-friendlymusic.
It’s important to remember however, that no matter how many things there are to terrifyyour children, good parenting and a good professional dentist and staff can take a lot ofthat fear out of visiting the dentist.

5 Revenge Strategies for Bad Movie Recommendations from Friends

So you’ve worked your butt off all week, and it’s Friday night.  You decide you want to head to the movies for some much needed relaxation and entertainment.  You decide to go and watch Battle: Los Angelas based on movie recommendations from a good friend.

Alright so your half way through the movie, realizing that this is one of the worst recommendations ever.  You text message your friend in a rage, informing him/her that they now owe you the $15 you sank into watching this stinker.

Maybe your friend has really poor taste in movies, maybe they were intoxicated, or maybe they gave you terrible movie recommendations as some kind of sick prank.  Whatever the reason, its time for payback.

5. Make them a tasty fruit (Laxitive ) smoothy

This comes in at number 5 because it is basically just mean.  While this will make you feel like you have got your payback, it will be followed by guilt when you hear the painful moans of your friend echoing from the bathroom.

If you are feeling particularly soul-less, do this prior to heading out for an evening on the town.  There is nothing worse then using a nighclub toilet to make make #2 on, especially for an extended sitting.

4. Smoke them  bad movie recommendations of your own

Going back to the days of Hammurabi’s Code where it was an eye for an eye.  We won’t be pulling any eyes out, but getting your friend back with a brutal movie recommendation will bring you back to even.

This comes in at #4 because while it gets the job done, it severly lacks originality points and might be easy for your friend to clue into.  The only reason this sneaks past the laxitive smoothy is because of pure amount of evil involved in that plot.

3. Set them up on a horrible blind date

No explaination required here.  It’s awkward, it’s boring, and it’s definatly a lot worse then sitting through a bad movie.  This has the potential to top this list, it’s only held back by the fact that it actually would take some effort to set this up.

2. Get them 2 tickets to that thing….that they don’t really like

You friends not into boring plays but their significant other is.  Nothing says payback like giving their partner 2 tickets to the opera.

Your payback is not complete until the fat lady sings….literally.

1. If they have kids, buy a toy that makes a ton of noise

This tops the list because this is the payback that keeps on giving.  We all know that children love noisy toys.  Your friend will curse your name every time that noisy toy makeing loud noises.

Use this method of payback with extreme caution, especially if you have or are planning on having kids.  Your friend will not forgot this special present and there is a high probability that you will have begun a toy war where nobody wins….except the kids.

Hard Ticket to Hawaii Death Scene

In what is to be probably the worst death scene in all action film history, a pair of mean end up killing a skateboarder and his blowup doll as they fly through the air by launching a couple rockets at them. I really couldn’t stop laughing after i saw this ridiculous piece of cinema, if it can be called that.

Needing to know more, I dug into this movie called “Hard Ticket to Hawaii” written and directed by Andy Sidaris. It is widely considered to be one of the worst movies of all time and it has the production quailty of pornography of the same era. It seems that Andy Sidaris kind of had a knack for creating the God awful masterpieces and he made a living out of it and even has a steady cult following. This garbage has a 2.9 on IMDB and people either seem to love it or hate it. I think that the best part of the movie is right here and there’s no reason to waste a couple hours of your life on this.

If you liked this, then you will no doubt like these:

Real Estate on the Big Island of Hawaii (HawaiiVox)
Buying Tips For Luxury Homes and Real Estate in Hawaii (Zipvo)
Beginner’s Guide to Buying Hawaii Real Estate (FlippingPad)
Benefits of Owning Real Estate in Hawaii (ArticlesBase)
Popular Destinations Portlock Hawaii (Zipvo)
Things to do in Kailua Hawaii (Townizen)

LuxTouch: The Most Expensive Flooring Ever!

I have been going over my flooring upgrades for my condo over the past two months, so I’ve had flooring on the brain. Pietra Firma decided that the current range of high quality flooring products was sub-par, so here we go with their LuxTouch line of very expensive tiles. How expensive? LuxTouch sells for a jaw dropping $1,000,000/m2…..WTF!

Now that’s some pretty stunning flooring I suppose. You’d have to be a pretty big douche-bag to decorate your luxury home with this. I can see all the sick and dying children of the world just gasping in horror when they find out this sort of shit goes on. Regardless, this is the way the world works so I will admire it from an artistic point of view. For my condo, I’m just going to go with the classic two choices of either hardwood flooring or laminate flooring to coat my humble abode.

So there your have it! I’d love to hear what some of you folks think about the flooring both on the ground and on the walls! If anyone else was lead here due to some obscure flooring quest of their own then I offer your some of my own research thus far. I’m also down to take some cool links in the comments on flooring because I’m going to be doing some more posts in the future on the topic.

Engineered Hardwood Floors Vs Laminate Floors via Articleshub

Laminate Flooring Vs Hardwood Flooring via DIYalogue

Hardwood Floors In The Bathroom via Articlesbase

7 Tips to Maintain Your Hardwood Floors via Ezinearticles

7 Retarded Things Brangelina Do to Keep Fit

How to Get Fit like Brangelina?

I don’t know how many times I’ve heard dudes tell me they wish they could have the build Brad Pitt is rocking in Fight Club.  And ladies, I have heard many envious comments wishing you had but any part of Angelina Jolie attached to your feminine physique.

Guys, you don’t have to take steroids to look like Brad Pitt, and ladies, you don’t need to sink 50,000 dollars into plastic surgery to be as perfect as Angelina.

Aside from their normal Hollywood personal trainers what do Angelina and Brad do to keep their bodies buff?

Mostly stuff that you and me could do, unfortunately the fact of the matter is, most of are arelazy fast food loving pigs!

3000 Kids = A Lot of Calories Burned

Last I checked Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were sporting something ridiculous like ten children.  I’m not sure if you’ve ever babysat more than two kids at one time, but I don’t think there is anything more exhausting than chasing a bunch of brats around the house who are most likely teaming up against you.

Dodging the Paparazzi

While being famous has lots of perks it also has its negative sides.  Being chased around and constantly photographed by the Papparazi can have a huge toll on your physical and mental health.  A lot of times stars like Brad and Angelina are forced to make mad dash sprints from their Hummer limosines to their destination.  In case you didn’t know, running 12 miles per hour will burn about 1875 calories in an hour for a 185 lbs man.

High Intensity Movies

The couple has been known to play action packed rolls.  This requires a lot of training as well as a lot of exertion while filming the actual movie.  Mr and Mrs Smith, Tomb Raider and Fight Club are just a few of the couples action packed flicks that required them to be in tip top shape.  Maybe the rest of us should find a profession that will pay us to actually look good?

Racquetball

The 80′s made two things popular.  Racquetball and Cocaine.  Cocaine stuck around and racquetball kind of got the shaft.  It doesn’t mean its not an awesome sport.  Imagine staring at Angelina Jolie’s ass as she’s bent over waiting for you to return her serve.  Brad and Angelina have been known to play a few high paces games of Racquetball throughout the week good for at least 800 calories per hour.

Shopping For Things We Can’t Afford

When you make twenty million dollars per movie  you have a lot of cash burning a giant hole in your pocket. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie spend a lot of time gallivanting around high end stores that the regular person can’t afford.  While walking doesn’t burn too many calories it all adds up and even just spending an hour leisurely shopping will melt off about 333 of those fat ass calories.

Bikram Yoga / Hot Yoga

Not sure what Bikram Yoga is? That is because you aren’t trendy!  Bikram Yoga is basically yoga in an extremely hot room.  Brad and Angelina love to do just about anything where they get hot and sweaty together and aside from sex, not much will get you as wet as Bikram Yoga.  A few times a week, they roll out their high end LuLu Lemon Yoga gear and head to the local private Bikram Yoga spa to get their stretch and sweat on. An hour long session of Bikram Yoga will burn up around 575 calories of hard earned food!

Rock Star Humping aka Marathon Sex

The one thing that Angelina has never kept from the media is that she is a freak in the sack.  If you are able to keep things together for an hour, the average 185 lb male will burn about 355 calories in an hour.  How much more satisfying would that be than a treadmill?

Origin of the Swine Flu

We all know that the Avian Flu originated from people sucking faces with chickens.  That is no secret; so why is it some big secret where the Swine Flu came from?

Since this blog is called ‘This Piggy’ and a Swine is a pig, I think its only fair to assume that the Swine Flu came from getting down and dirty with a filthy little bacon producing swine. If you are unfamiliar with the Swine Flu it is an STD (Swine Transmitted Disease) epidemic that is sweeping Mexico and unfortunately finding its way back to North America.

I have some pretty clear cut proof of people sucking face with pigs. If you want to know who to blame for the epidemic we no longer have to hunt for evidence as This Piggy brought it to your attention first!

Low and behold nine  ‘potential’ origins of the Swine Flu.

Exhibit #9
I would point the finger at this lady, but it looks like this pig has already been cooked.  She is off the hook this time.

Exhibit #8
Again, this pig seems to be lacking most of his body.  Unless he is festering at the neck, chances are this woman is clean as well

Exhibit #7
I’m not 100% sure what part of the pig you need to suck to get the Swine Flu, but if it is the ear, this woman could definitely be the culprit.

Exhibit #6
The woman promised this guy she’d take his virginity if he kissed the Pig.  The jokes on her if he caught the Swine flu before they did it!

Exhibit #5
This man/woman actually appears to be doing a good deed.  To the best of my guessing ability it appears as though he/she is giving mouth to mouth resuscitation to this piggy.  Next time he’ll/she’ll use protection!

Exhibit #4
Ladies, just because something is cute as a button doesn’t mean it can’t give you diseases.  Just because somebody is good looking doesn’t mean they don’t have STD’S (Swine Transmitted Diseases)

Exhibit #3
Alcohol lowers our judgment, but just because an oversized pig is spooning you while you drool half conscious on the floor does not mean you should make out with him.

Exhibit #2
Sure, this pig may look lonely, he may look cute, but there is a reason he is in that cage woman! STDs are running wild in the pig world, don’t let it do you!

Exhibit #1
This poor kid never had a chance.  This Pig stalked this baby for hours.  Hey little kiddie, do you want a lollipop, just come over to my blue van… I mean… my cage.  Next thing you know the baby is sucking the sweet sweet snot of the pig snout.  Poor kid, he never had a chance.

Not enough for you? Go check out some pig lips @ Blaahb

The Ultimate Fish Slide

It is always sad when a pet passes, but what happens if your pet happens to be a delicious fish?

Do you do the respectable thing and give him a proper flush burial or do pan fry him and incorporate him into a gourmet meal that will probably land you some action from your woman?

This man had this exact scenario and did what any intelligent man would do when faced with such a dilemma; he built a giant fish water slide with two possible exist points and left it up to fate.

World’s Messiest Houses

I want to start this post off by mentioning I’m a male in his late 20’s who has lived in my fair share of messy places.  I have gone months at a time without cleaning my showers because I believed showers were self cleaning. I’ve allowed pizza boxes and beer cans to pile up on my deck because I preferred to challenge my room mate to a game of Madden Football on Xbox instead of tidying up.

While I have allowed myself to live in what I thought was a disgusting pig sty of a house, I’ve never and I mean, NEVER allowed my house or apartment to get even close to to resembling what is about to be depicted in these pictures.

These houses are so messy, I’m tempted to setup an online charity to help raise money to get Molly Maid over to their house for a week.  On second thought, these people are clearly far and beyond the point of an intervention.  I’ll just  send them some Swiffer Coupons and get my girlfriend to pray for them before she goes to bed tonight, then its in God’s hands.

Drum roll please….

World’s Messiest Garage
This guy clearly has a case of pack rat’ism.  Spend a weekend and throw a few hundred of those boxes out buddy.  That old computer case is never going to be a collectors item!

Back Yard Garbage Dump
I can kind of relate to tossing some garbage out the back door, but come on people, if you can’t get out your damn door you need to really think about how the hell you are living your life.

The World Of Warcraft Pig Sty
This is what happens when you become addicted to MMORPGs.  You put a toilet in your bedroom, bring in take out for all your meals and toss the garbage into your garbage room AKA your kitchen.

The Depressed Guys Mess
Looking at this guys house it looks like he is either an extreme hermit or his girlfriend up and left him and he has barricaded himself inside his house smoking himself to death.  Pay special attention to the thousands of cigarette butts spread out all over the computer, that keyboard could probably use a spray from an air gun.

The Bachelor Toilet
Nothing quite gets a girl turned on when you bring her home from a hard night at the bar like a filthy grimy bathroom.  Needless to say the guy who owns this bathroom doesn’t bring home  a lot of stray ass.

More Nastiness
The rest are random pig stys from around the net, you probably don’t need my commentary to figure out the people who live within these homes have completely given up on life.